Cultivate Kindness as a Superpower

Photo by Fa Barboza

In a world of seven billion unique people of all different cultures and customs, we can feel as though we don't have much in common. Or, in a world of seven billion unique people who all experience happiness, heart ache and hope we can feel as though we are all connected. It is from this place of commonality, only visible through our own empathy that we empower kindness.

Kindness is being brave enough to step into another's shoes. It can look like holding the door open for someone, smiling at a stranger or taking the time to check in with a friend. It can also look like going against the crowd, taking the harder option or standing up for our values leaving ourselves open to be criticised or judged.

Last week I was having coffee with my friend in a café and noticed a pregnant woman on a table near us crying. Without making it look to obvious I told my friend to casually look her way and give me some validation that she was in fact crying. After we both agreed that this woman was distressed, I felt a tightening in my chest and thought 'I don't want to make a scene' and 'I'm sure she's fine, those pregnant hormones must be making her emotional'. I felt uncomfortable and both my friend and I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden I felt the wave of fear and loneliness wash over me, as I put myself in her position. I stood up immediately and went over, knelt down beside her and asked 'Are you okay?'. She said she was, but her face and tears told spoke louder than her words. I put my arm around the woman and told her that she wasn't alone anymore. I'd left my insecure, minding my own business self at the other table and noticed the woman beginning to calm with my presence. She asked me to call an ambulance because she was suffering from hypertension. She'd experienced it in her previous pregnancy.

Reflecting on that experience reminds me that kindness is uncomfortable at times, but reaps invaluable rewards, strengthening our bond with common humanity.

So how can we get intentional about cultivating more kindness into our lives?

Photo by Vonecia Carswell

1. First and foremost, be kind to ourselves

The air plane safety video instructs us to fix our oxygen mask first, before helping others with theirs. This is exactly how self-care works. We need to invest in our wellbeing before we can help others. Looking after ourselves through prioritising self-care is the foundation for positive growth. Practising mindfulness builds on this foundation by helping us identify negative self talk that hinders our ability to be kind to ourselves. When we are kind to ourselves, we have a greater capacity to be kinder towards others.

2. Practice creativity

What does creativity have to do with being kind? Well, according to scientists creativity and empathy are housed in the 'non-dominant' hemisphere of the brain. Creative endeavours like gardening, sewing, blogging, teaching kids soccer or baking for example, are processes fraught with challenges, failures and frustrations. By employing empathy; first with ourselves, and then with others during these daily activities, our capacity for kindness expands.

3. Receive kindness from others

We often associate kindness with giving, and in a world where we equate success with not needing any help, we've attached a stigma to those who need it. The truth is, however, that we need to both give and receive without reluctance in order to experience real connection. Brené Brown says that "until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart".

4. Assume people are genuinely trying their best

There are going to be a number of times when our patience wears thin when someone cuts us off in traffic, criticises our parenting, makes fun of our appearance or forgets to call us back. Regardless of whether these people were trying to disappoint us on purpose or not, the assumption of positive intent keeps us non-judgemental and kind to others. According to research, someone who genuinely believes that people are doing their best, is more compassionate and kind.

Photo by Matt Collamer

Being intentional about giving kindness means adopting kindness into our hearts and holding it with integrity. This means we'll probably need to step outside of our comfort zones to truly cultivate kindness as a daily habit. Just like any good habit, kindness is a practice. So be patient and open your awareness to help identify moments where we can be more kind.

Be brave and kind because in a world of seven billion unique people, I am not alone and neither are you.

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