Laying the Foundation for Fun this Silly Season

(Includes a FREE printable worksheet)

Personally, I’m a big fan of Christmas and look forward to the holiday season with total glee. I love the decorations and classic carols playing in the shops. I love the ruckus around town of people buying gifts and enjoying long lunches. I love wishing people a Merry Christmas and observing the change in tune talking about the holidays with anticipation. I love taking walks around the harbour watching the city in full swing on a balmy summer evening. I love relishing in fresh seafood, mangoes, cherries and pavlova on Christmas Day, and of course spending time with my family and friends. All of the excitement at this time of year can cause us to idealise what’s in store for us over the next few weeks which may cause us to create unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others.

Now, I certainly don’t want to be a party-pooper, but there are bound to be bumps in the road - Aus Post loses your parcel, your Airbnb host cancels your stay or the borders close… again. It’s only natural to let these mishaps upset us and potentially ruin the valuable time we need to recharge, reconnect and relax at this time of year. Ruminating over our setbacks can crowd out all the wonderful joys that are still around… as I know all too well.

A few Christmases ago I had worked extremely hard in the lead up to the holidays to the point where I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I arrived at our Airbnb by the beach up the coast to finally pop the Champagne and indulge in some fresh oysters… livin' the dream! That evening not only the oysters, but my entire insides violently surged out of my body for eight hours or so, leaving me withered and defeated in a hospital bed on Christmas day. My entire holiday was wrecked. But that’s when I discovered positive psychology.

As I lay in bed recovering from a weakened immune system over the next few weeks feeling sorry for myself, I realised how capable we are as human beings in cultivating our own happiness rather than falling victim to our circumstances (which are mostly out of our control). I also learnt the importance of self-care, but that’s a story for another time. Right now, I want to dive into my learnings about joy and how we can lay the foundation for more fun this silly season.

Presence (and presents)

In our ever busy, complicated and anxious world, we need to make space to not just do less, but be less. When we first start practising presence it requires us to slow down, gather ourselves and ground in our awareness. It’s tuning into our body, igniting our senses to see, hear, smell and feel the moment.

When we first start cultivating stillness and presence in our lives, it can be difficult, especially when we realise how stress and anxiety define so much of our daily lives, not to mention our identity (perfectionist, hard-working, diligent, etc.) I’m a planner (literally it’s my job), and growing up I figured out that I could never get ‘bored’ (be still) because I could create stories in my head or plan in great detail for the future (hello generalised anxiety disorder). I had no idea how damaging and vicious that thought process would become.

One of my childhood friends told me once to ‘stop planning ahead and just go with the flow’, ‘cruise in the slow lane for a while and stop to smell the roses’. I thought her way of being was unproductive and wouldn’t get me anywhere, but man I wish I took a page out of her book! For years I’d been strengthening my neuro pathways in my brain to connect with anything but the present moment. Over time this practice of ‘not being bored’ led to constant restlessness and discontentment. My stress levels increased and anxiety struck in panic attacks that absolutely scared the s**t out of me.

I finally saw a therapist and was introduced to mindfulness in the form of mindful moments and meditation. This new concept drove me even more mad when I actually sat still and tried it. My brain was not going to stop, it was never going to stop! I had built my identity around planning and always being busy and that it was just so unnatural for me to sit and do nothing but focus on the elusive nothingness for ten minutes.

I guess the reason why I’m divulging these personal details to you dear reader is because I want you to know that I get it. Mindfulness and meditation is f’ing hard. I haven’t worked out yet after nearly 8 years of practice if it actually gets easier but it does become tolerable and I can actually FEEL the difference.

So my advice to you is to first of all let go of your assumptions about what stillness, mindfulness or meditation is supposed to look like. Find a way to create a clearing that works for you so you can stand a better chance of opening yourself up to confronting the next barrier to stillness: fear.

When I ask people if they meditate or what their thoughts are about meditation, they’ll often say they’ve tried it and it doesn’t work for them or they don’t have time. I used to use these excuses too, but when I really think about it, like really being honest with myself, I’m scared. I’m s**t scared.

When I stop long enough and hold myself in a quiet space, truth begins to surface and sometimes slaps me square in the face. I’ve had some pretty massive revelations during my meditation practice. These truths are tough pills to swallow but it’s so deeply important to live out our lives with more meaning and fulfillment.

As my practice strengthened over time, anxiety has loosened its hold on me and I feel a sense of clarity and connection with myself, where I can lean into my intuition and trust my judgement. Meditation has also improved my focus including my capacity to listen deeper and empathise with others. I can also better observe my negative or unproductive thoughts and correct them before they consume me. I’ve also been able to use mindfulness to capture joyous occasions and truly savour the moment while laughing with my family or connecting with a friend, thus enhancing my experiences.

And as for presents, well... they also make me happy.

The Gift of Gratitude

Happiness tends to be attached to external situations and events that ebb and flow as those circumstances come and go. My happiness was peaking whilst sharing oysters with my family and plummeting whilst my head was in the toilet bowl a few hours later.

On the other hand, joy is more of a constant state of being that remains relatively stable and is defined by our spirit and gratitude. Being joyful doesn’t mean that I’m happy all of the time, but I can feel everyday joy and cultivate it through a gratitude practice. That’s right, gratitude is not an attitude, it’s a practice, and similar to meditation and mindfulness it too takes work.

So how can we become intentional about practising gratitude? I try to journal/brain dump and write at least a page in my notebook each night before bed. If nothing jumps out at me to vent about or process, I simply write "Today, I'm grateful for..." and let the small joys bloom. In research done by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough, those who wrote down at least five things they were grateful for, enjoyed higher levels of emotional and physical wellbeing.

Another way I lean into my gratitude practice is by savouring the moment and fully immersing myself in my experience. Savouring intensifies and lengthens the positive emotions that come with doing something you love and can be enhanced by using the following strategies:

Share the moment with someone else

Enjoying a meal, walking in nature, taking a trip to a museum or watching a sunset are all the more wonderful when shared with someone else.

Take a mental or physical picture

I have so many photos of the sky, flowers, coffee and other random things I’ve enjoyed (including a hundred photos of our family dog). Mental pictures are just as powerful when you tune into all your senses and fully immerse into the moment.

Express yourself shamelessly

I’m a huge advocate for this one and people who know me will agree that I’m an open book. People who express their feelings rather than suppress them enjoy themselves more. When I’m watching an episode of Friends, I fully laugh out loud or when I beat my boyfriend in ping pong I get super excited and jump up and down (he finds it a bit odd, but the bystanders get caught up in my excitement and laugh and smile).

Speak gratitude out loud

Think about what you’re enjoying and how it makes you feel. ‘This coffee is deliciously smooth and creamy’, ‘This dress is gorgeous and I feel beautiful’, ‘I appreciate our chat and feel more energised and connected to you’. Affirming the moments solidifies the experience.

Sharpen your senses

Purposefully focus your attention on specific features of the experience. When sitting by the ocean, close your eyes and tune into the sounds of waves crashing against the rocks. This will enhance your inner delight.

Professor of Psychology, Dr. Robert Emmons’ research suggests that taking the time to consider our blessings strengthens our emotional resilience to combat day to day stresses and helps us bounce back from massive personal upheavals in the face of suffering, pain and loss. Gratitude won’t fix everything or make our trials and tribulations less painful, but it does shine a light on our lives as a whole, opens up our awareness and helps us care for ourselves in the face of adversity.

Action Joy

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