Recipe for Success
How to Create Meaningful Goals that You can Actually Achieve
(With a FREE Printable Workbook)
Three, two, one, Happy New Year! Okay this is it, new year new me. Things are going to be different this year. Sound familiar? I like to consider myself quite hopeful and optimistic, but unfortunately there’s more ingredients to this recipe for successful goal setting.
The Staples of Goal Setting
Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, author of the book Succeed: How we can Reach Our Goals identifies two key principles of goal-setting that seem universally true. Firstly, over 1,000 studies undertaken on the success of goal-setting conclude that you will perform better when your goals are specific and challenging. In other words, difficult to achieve but possible.
The second universal theme is that successful people are confident that they will be able to achieve their goals, but they are equally confident knowing that they will have a tough time getting there. From students looking for good jobs after uni, singles looking for love, or seniors recovering from hip surgery, the successful people believe in themselves and the work it’s going to take to get there.
Consider these two principles the staples to goals, like the key ingredients are flour and milk to make pancakes. I’m sure if you mixed them together and fried it up, you’d create something edible, but we want delicious pancakes (a.k.a meaningful and attainable goals), so let’s uncover the other elements.
Value-based Goals
You can’t have amazingly fluffy pancakes without the baking soda. It’s all well and good to have a goal but unless they derive from pure intrinsic motivation, they’re less likely to rise up. Any goal that is related to obtaining other people’s validation and approval or external signs of self-worth aren’t going to help you achieve feelings of true satisfaction or long-lasting wellbeing. If you have goals like this in your life, it’s time to get rid of them.
With the rise of the gram and highlights reels of influencers living their best lives, I still catch myself comparing and longing to look like that, have their job and have enough money to buy those things. I have to confess that I ended up buying some new sneakers last week because I saw Ellie from Elsa’s Wholesome Life rocking them… they’re so cute. However, we scientifically know that disproportionately focusing on that stuff does NOT lead to happiness; in fact, research shows that focusing on those extrinsic goals will make you significantly less psychologically stable.
So how can we maintain good mental health and cultivate more meaningful goals?
Firstly, let’s look at the two main types of goals:
Push Goals
A Push Goal is the one goal that if achieved will make all (or most) of the other goals possible. For example, a goal of selling more ebooks (if my ebooks weren’t free) would lead to a higher income, which could lead to a meal delivery service, meaning I no longer need to go to the supermarket, freeing up more time for writing and self-care. The benefits have a domino effect.
It is helpful to consider these goals and what habits would build momentum for other positive changes. Push goals can create more energy, time and money that make your other goals easier. They are usually more forced, driven by pressure and willpower as well as hard work.
Pull Goals
On the other side of the pancake are your values-based goals. A pull goal is one that you feel a pull towards because you enjoy it. They are more impactful because they are more sustainable and contribute to your overall happiness. For example, a value of mine is learning, so if I endeavour to read for 10 minutes a day I’ll have more notes and information to write about, I’ll be more motivated to create new content, to potentially write and sell an ebook, that could lead to higher income, etc.
Both push and pull goals can certainly overlap, however due to the fact that my pull goal stemmed from an intrinsic motivator (my value for learning), it’s more likely to be sustained and enjoyed during the process (and it’s really all about the process, as I’ll get to later).
Believe in Yourself
I know I couldn't have picked a tackier subheading. I don’t even think I’ve ever used this phrase without underlying sarcasm or an eye roll… I was going to go with a clever pun like bake it till you make it, but really this simple concept is so profound to not just achieving your goals, but more importantly, being the person you want to be.
Maxwell Maltz was a world-renowned plastic surgeon who discovered that, while some people’s lives changed dramatically after he altered their appearance through plastic surgery, some people’s lives didn’t. He deduced that the primary factor that differentiated these groups was their self-image - not what they saw in the mirror, but the images they had of themselves in their minds.
At the core of self-belief is realising that you – and only you – are the driver of your own success. If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect that anyone else will. Similarly, if you have limiting beliefs about yourself, you will produce limited results.
Trust in the Process
In Maltz’s book, Psycho-Cybernetics (funny name) he proposes that we are equipped with an innate instinct to set goals and strive to succeed. A bird doesn’t need to take lessons in nest-building, similarly sea turtles don’t use a GPS to navigate their way back to the exact beach where they were born. They just do. Natural instinct harnesses intelligence far greater than our conscious/rational mind. He proposes that we are put on this earth to do things that are meaningful and we strive for purpose.
This concept is also rooted in the C.H.I.M.E model for mental health recovery. When we have meaning and are striving for a purpose, it provides us with self-worth thus enhancing our wellbeing.
Manifestation
Okay so I’ve gone from cliché to whoo-hoo, but I promise you there’s some science behind the power of imagination and the concept of manifestation. Your nervous system cannot tell the difference between an imagined experience and a real one. We’ve all heard of the placebo effect and the power of the subconscious mind. So humour me, you’ve got nothing to lose. Imagine how you would feel if you were already that person you wanted to be. I don’t think we can ever underestimate the power of our human potential. See yourself acting with confidence and courage - feel expensive and confident because you are.
Please note that there are a lot of self-help books out there that sell visualisation as the key to achieving your goals, and although some part of that is helpful, it’s visualising the actions you're going to take to achieve your goals that are the most effective.
Every recipe needs a method of instructions, so day-dream in detail and write down the actionable steps you’d need to take in order to get there. These will be the foundation for building habits to support your goals.
Get Intentional
The art of intentional living is stepping out of auto-pilot and questioning why we do the things we do. Why is this so important and why do I keep harping on about intentional living? I don’t think it’s any exaggeration to say that we’re all hypnotised to some extent. Socialisation shapes the way we are - our natural tendencies that have been imprinted since birth and adopted without question. I was once told by a teacher that I was ‘the sporty type’ insinuating that I was not the academic type. I held onto this belief for a long time and only recently realised it was this limiting belief holding me back from my writing. #crazy!
Maltz shares a bunch of examples about the power of hypnosis including a champion weight-lifter who was hypnotised and told he was so weak he couldn’t lift a pencil off a table, then couldn’t lift the pencil! Similarly, another set of experiments where people were hypnotised and told they were strong, actually increased their strength.
Intentional living is bringing our awareness to our actions and dreams to ‘dehypnotise’ ourselves and reprogram our minds. I highly recommend the rom com I Feel Pretty with Amy Schumer, which is all about how exuding confidence opens the door to more opportunities and growth.
Believe in yourself boo!
Make Self-Compassion this Year’s Resolution
Perfect was literally drilled into me as a child. I was a gymnast constantly striving for that perfect ten. I think the closest I ever got was a 9.55 on vault, but that's beside the point. I can quite honestly say that my perfectionism tendencies have controlled a lot of my life and inhibited me from even setting out to achieve some of my goals for the fear of failure. I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s experienced this destructive and debilitating mindset.
Perfect is a ridiculous expectation of internalised oppression, denying yourself of the messy, human experience. It is the opposite of authenticity which is the foundation of truth and connection with yourself, others and the world. I think that we have to make the choice for ourselves to let go of perfectionism knowing that we are going to live a freer, fuller, more meaningful life when we do.
My favourite social scientist, Dr. Brené Brown says that “to overcome perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the universal experience of shame, judgement and blame; develop shame resilience; and practise self-compassion”.
So how do we do that Brené!?
In her research interviewing people who were engaging with the world from a place of authenticity and worthiness, they appeared to be operating with the mindset that “we’re all doing the best we can”, denoting that self-compassion is the antidote to perfectionism.
When we are kind to ourselves we are more resilient and able to improve our processes, correct our mistakes and re-engage with our goals. Let me tell you that you’re not going to make the best pancakes the first time round.
From my experience, practising self-compassion by shifting my mindset on getting better versus being good, has been a game changer. By adopting a growth-mindset I’m making progress, rather than proving myself, and am more open to embracing my challenges and setbacks (that are inevitable) as opportunities to learn.
So, now that we have all the ingredients for delicious pancakes, it’s time to begin the work.
The Art of the Start
I love to plan! Literally, it’s what I do for a living. And for so long, I’ve been way too caught up in thinking and planning my goals than actually doing them. I thought if I could plan well enough then I would eventually feel motivated to start. But as I continued to procrastinate and plan, the motivation withered and projects and goals never seemed to take flight (similar to my pancake jokes falling flat).
However, now I know the art of the start. I didn’t feel like writing today, but once I watched a Youtube video on goal setting, it built some momentum to research further, put some notes on paper and eventually write this sentence.
Author and lecturer, Tal Ben-Shahar recommends this simple technique - the five-minute takeoff. It consists simply of starting to do the thing you said you’d do, regardless of whether you feel like it or not. Usually to get the job done, it’s enough to merely begin doing it. This initial action snowballs and motivation builds on action. So, butter up and get started!
Choose something small to start with, like watching a video, as I did today or putting on your walking shoes if your goal is to move more and just do it!
Achieving your Goals
Last year my partner and I were living in a small one-bedroom apartment yelling over the top of each other during our Zoom meetings. When our lease ended we were desperate to find an apartment with a study. When we first moved into our lovely two-bedroom apartment with the study overlooking the front garden and onto the trees, we were thrilled. However, now I find myself dreaming of a space with a balcony or a second room large enough for another bedroom, or even a yoga room, wouldn’t that be cool?
I feel like I sound spoiled, and although I do recognise my privilege, it’s also important to identify that this is a natural phenomenon actually known as hedonic adaptation (also known as the hedonic treadmill or the arrival fallacy).
Expect and understand that reaching your goal might make you happy - but only for a while. Indeed, it turns out that we are prone to take for granted pretty much everything positive that happens to us. When we get a new phone, write a book or get a pay rise at work, we obtain an immediate boost of happiness from the improved situation; but as evolution demonstrates, we as a species adapt to our circumstances and are left with ‘felicific stagnation’.
Meik Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute writes ‘Take the time to enjoy the journey towards your goal while also being mindful that achieving your goal will not fulfil you completely.’
So I guess the lesson here is to focus less on the outcome of those pancakes and more on the process that you go through to make them. By celebrating the small achievements and recognising what you learned along the way, you’re more likely to feel content and fulfilled, even if you end up with flat, burnt pancakes!
Action Goals
Download the New Years Resolution Workbook
It's not too late to set yourself up for the year ahead with this quick, 5-page workbook on creating your new year's resolution.
To be honest, I gave up resolutions two years ago because they just weren't sticking. I did some research and decided to take on a theme for the year ahead instead. A theme is flexible, gives you a macro view, and can help you narrow down your goals.
This workbook will guide you to choose a theme and then a main goal and two mini goals for the year ahead.
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